"You should read a hand book--a hand-handbook"
--Jessica

"Computers just follow instructions. Unless you have an instruction that says it's going to blow up, it's not going to."

--Daniel

After Ben and Carly's Wedding

"Carly's going to freeze to death!"
(Carly and Ben kiss)
"She'll be warm."

--Grampa and Grandi

"Everyone had two armpits. One of Alaska's is Bethel."
"What's the other one, Whittier?"
"Close, Dutch Harbor. Whittier constitutes the nose hairs."

--Dad and Jessica

"Mark ordered a hamburger with onions!"

--From First Date to Chosen Mate, pg. 29.

From General Conference

"At this point, some of you may be thinking, 'that's all very fine and good, but what does it have to do with flying an airplane?'"

-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"Don't be so pushy, Mom!"
"Stop acting like a teenager."
"I'm not acting like one!"

--Jonathan and Mom

"Oops, it popped off."
"Yeah, my CD drive cover does that a lot. Oh and also don't press this button."
"This button?" (presses it)
(Simultaneously) "No, don't press it!"
"Oops."
--Jessica and Alana

Found in a Rough Draft for One of my Books

"A ring of disappointment rings through me."

--Alana, clearly not thinking clearly

"Your computer is no more valuable than your dishwasher or your washing machine."
--Julie B. Beck