"Computers just follow instructions. Unless you have an instruction that says it's going to blow up, it's not going to."

--Daniel

After Ben and Carly's Wedding

"Carly's going to freeze to death!"
(Carly and Ben kiss)
"She'll be warm."

--Grampa and Grandi

"Everyone had two armpits. One of Alaska's is Bethel."
"What's the other one, Whittier?"
"Close, Dutch Harbor. Whittier constitutes the nose hairs."

--Dad and Jessica

"Mark ordered a hamburger with onions!"

--From First Date to Chosen Mate, pg. 29.

From General Conference

"At this point, some of you may be thinking, 'that's all very fine and good, but what does it have to do with flying an airplane?'"

-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"Don't be so pushy, Mom!"
"Stop acting like a teenager."
"I'm not acting like one!"

--Jonathan and Mom

"Oops, it popped off."
"Yeah, my CD drive cover does that a lot. Oh and also don't press this button."
"This button?" (presses it)
(Simultaneously) "No, don't press it!"
"Oops."
--Jessica and Alana

Found in a Rough Draft for One of my Books

"A ring of disappointment rings through me."

--Alana, clearly not thinking clearly

"Your computer is no more valuable than your dishwasher or your washing machine."
--Julie B. Beck

Found in one of my old notebooks

"I'm gripped by fear, and I don't like it."
-Random Hogwarts Person in Harry Potter Game

Found in one of my old notebooks

"You can't vote me off the island: I took the immunity pill!"
--Jessica

No context quote

"Think of...growing cabbage."
--Jessica

Cutie cousins

(paraphrased)

Skyler: Ami what's your favorite cheese?

Ami: I like mozzarella.

Phillip: Monster-what?!

Ami: Mozzarella, you know the white cheese that we eat in lasagna.

Phillip: Ami! Don't be racer!

Skyler: Yeah Ami, you're going to hurt the yellow cheese's feelings!

14 hour adventure

"So James, I think we're on Gandalf's highway: you shall not pass! Give me a break, I have a LOT of time on my hands right now."
--Jessica while on the trip to Los Alamos

"Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man, good with kids."
"Listen, E..."
"November 15th of '58! All was well, another day saved, when... his cape snagged on a missile fin!"
"Thunderhead was not the brightest bulb..."
"Stratogale! April 23rd, '57! Cape caught in a jet turbine!"
"E, you can't generalize about these things..."
"Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! No capes!"
--Edna Mode and Mr. Incredible from The Incredibles

En route to see the air show

Jessica: It's a security checkpoint. They check for suspicious characters.

James: Are you suspicious?

Jessica: No but I'm a character!

"God loves us, even when we're idiots."
--Kathleen

"You need to write about a man stumbling through the desert and is aided in some way by a headless monkey."
--Dan Wells from Writing Excuses

In reference to Nanny McPhee:

"Is the reason she takes care of kids so she can be beautiful once in a while? She's like, 'Crapface! I gotta take care of some more kids!'"
--Jessica

"Does that mean that holding hands with sweaty palms is more committal than just holding hands?"
~ Dragon Lady

"♪Can, can,
Can you kick the
James, James
Can you kick the
James, James...♪"
--Jessica

"Katie, are you allergic to lizards?"
--James

"Where's the toys?"
"I didn't say toys, I said presents."
"But presents are toys!"
--Skyler and Ami

"You've bitten off more than you can chew and now you're making me chew it!" -Grampa

Prerecorded voice called to say this:

"Sorry, there are no agents to talk with you right now. We will call again later."

"How will I ever carry out diplomatic missions without someone to throw unpleasant nobles out the window?"
--Alyss in The Burning Bridge, pg. 96

"Funerals are for the living, not the dead."
--Grampa

"Candlelight, privacy, music. Can't think of a better place for hand-to-hand combat."
--Phoebus in The Hunchback of Notre Dame

"Next time we promise not to throw any puppies at bulldozers."
--Brandon Sanderson from Writing Excuses

"Never confuse efficiency with a liver complaint."
--Mr. Banks in Mary Poppins (the musical)

"Is this a quote wall?"
--Various